To be or not to be? ... as though Hamlet had a choice

I had just written a super-long post that probably over-exposed my views on death since I've been in Samoa. But being on these unreliable computers, it was deleted.
It was probably for the better, as it was probably too dark and emo for parents and parents' friends and people who might still be under the impression that I'm normal and people I might run into at cocktail parties in the future...

So here's the (somewhat) abbreviated version:

-I was a "flexible vegan" before this trip
-I wanted to be culturally sensitive and live like Samoans do
-Samoans like meat
-I tell a long story about the first time I saw a pig get killed in Samoa
-Several more pigs get killed
-I am coping with "survival" tactics
-Everything I thought I valued is getting tossed around
-I am now an excellent spear-fisher
-And yet through it all... I still cry uncontrollably whenever I see or hear a pig getting killed...