April 18, 2009 (my computer's been funky and wouldn't allow me to publish this until now)
I just got out of the woods this afternoon, and I'm back to wondering what the heck I'm doing with my life.
In the 8th grade, I read Animal Farm and (in an abstract sense) learned what communism had been and why it didn't work out. Then in college I got into Marx and Rousseau and began to understand how capitalism came to be, and where the natural progression of dialectic materialism would take us...
Then when I went to Samoa I saw communism in practice, and I was inspired. Sure, there's a "government" in place, but the real work starts in the villages. When I came back to the States, it felt so difficult to try to insert myself back into the capitalist machine... so I took a job in the woods of North Carolina making half of what I would if I just threw in the towel and went back to working in politics.
I just got back from seeing Che, and now I'm reminded of the haunting question of what the heck I'm doing with my life. Halfway through the movie, a dead sweat and cold panic swept over me. I realized I still lived in America, I still had enough money to go to the movie theater (and go out for pizza afterwards!) What's gonna happen when I get outta the woods? I need to move to South America. Yeah... Argentina... Yeah! But... how can I be a part of the anti-American revolution when I'm so obviously American? I'm so bourgeois, it ain't even funny, yo.
