Saturday, February 28, 2009

3 months

I'm not sure if it's because I'm sleep deprived or if there's something wrong with me, but I really don't have anything nice to say. Just a lot of depressing thoughts that will stay in my paper journal.

Everyone told me to prepare for the worst with this job-- to expect to be hated by my kids by my third month. When I imagined the worst, I forgot to include the notion that these kids are all I know. They're my best friends. My worst enemies. The little sisters I never wanted.

It used to feel like "home" was at my time off house, but now it's in my tent. My time off house and everything outside of the woods feels foreign. I'd been seeing a guy who works at another camp since I started this job, and as awesome of a guy as he is, I feel so emotionally drained by the end of the week that I can't really do my part to make a relationship work. We get together, and we say "let's not talk about work"... and then we're both rendered silent.

Somehow I just feel lonely.

Welp, I gotta wake up in about 6 hours and head back into the woods. Now is the time when I should stop thinking about myself and focus on how I can help my kids... so here's a little pick-me-up pep talk


"First it is a challenge. Secondly you have to learn to prepare meticulously, for your life may depend on the thoroughness and extent of your planning. You have to get off your tail and spur yourself to get going. You have to leave your comfortable slot and go out where things are rough. You have to push into the background the worry of the less likely hazards and make some bold judgements about the more probable ones.

You learn not to be frightened by fear. You discover what a fine piece of machinery the human body is and that it can take a tremendous amount of stress before it breaks down. You learn to make decisions and gradually you find your make fewer and fewer mistakes. Your confidence grows and you discover human resources which are ready to be called upon in time of future crises. You learn something about human frailties and develop sympathy for those weaker or less competent than yourself’; you learn to make a team out of group of individuals.

Adventurous experiences out-of-doors are perceived to kindle the enthusiasm of the young, to develop their concern for others, for their community and for the environment. Such experiences provide the means of self-discovery, self-expression and enjoyment which are at once both stimulating and fulfilling.

It thus emerges that, for young people and adults alike, Outdoor Adventure is perceived as a vehicle for building values and ideals, for developing creativity and enterprise, for enhancing a sense of citizenship, and for widening physical and spiritual horizons.”

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