I found this journal entry that never got published. It wasn't published mainly because I felt that it was incomplete. I still feel that it's incomplete... or that I can't completely articulate my thoughts . But it was the thought that stuck in my head the most while I was there.
4.2.08
The Ocean Breathes Salty
I could watch the ocean for hours. Especially here. I am fascinated by the unpredictable motions of water in the South Pacific. In one way or another, the water dictates every part of my life. I am surrounded by it. I mean this both figuratively and literally (it sounds really romantic and everything, but in reality it's the truth!) For example, if I have class, or a meeting/interview at a certain time, but it's raining, then I have no choice but to wait until the rain passes. My notebooks and all my papers are molding and disintegrating from rain damage. My hair is never dry. Neither are my clothes. It seems like everything I own has been overtaken by the South Pacific Sami.
And the sami has consumed my ipod. Life goes on, but I am having serious music withdrawals , and I plan on not eating lunch for a while so I can purchase a CD player when I go to American Samoa this Thursday. I'm thankful that my friends are willing to share their music with me though, even if it is Shayne Ward on full blast at 3 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep.
The hardest part is falling asleep at night. I realized I've been using my music to mask the noises of growling dogs... noises of barking geckos... (which for a while I thought were coming from the cockroaches)... children getting their daily sasa... flying bugs around my ears... screaming room-mates... Shayne Ward/Chris Brown... but maybe all this is showing me how American I am-- afraid of natural things that happen all around. I want consistency. I want a familiar tempo. I want to believe that when I sleep, the world around me sleeps too.
Before I came here, I always thought the ocean just fills in the space that land hasn't already created. I thought that land is fixed, and that the ocean just moves around it. But then after watching the movement of the water and seeing how it tosses and turns and crushes shells and rocks into tiny grains of sand, I'm beginning to see that the ocean defines the shape of the land just as much.
I'm starting to learn that life can be likened to the ocean-- it's unpredictable. It's inconsistent. And it can be disrupting if you try to remain in a fixed and undisturbed state. Learning how to let go and move with the ebb and flow of the sami is a gradual process, but it's one that I'm beginning to take on...
Showing posts with label Reflections From a Girl's Ocean. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflections From a Girl's Ocean. Show all posts
Friday, October 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Reflections from the girls ocean
Before I came to Samoa, I came upon a former Independent Study Project that inspired my studies here. The girl wrote a series of pieces that were meant to be performed orally and narrated through the eyes of a Samoan girl. This one was my favorite. I think she articulates exactly how I feel about Samoa and my interests here.
THE OCEAN by Shannon Sonenstein
In school we learned that most of the earth’s surface is made up of water. It’s funny to think of it that way because all Mr. Smith, my teacher, the pisikoa (peace corps), ever talks about, focuses on, is the land. I’ve heard the human body is like that too.
Even though I can’t see it, can’t imagine it, I’m mostly water.
Fluid.
Flowing.
Liquid and changing rather than confined to a solid.
Mold.
Role.
Form. As I’ve been trained to think.
Do you know what else I learned today? There are more women on earth than men. I told that to my sister and she laughed at me. She asked, “If there are more women, then why do we only learn about men — what they do? what they think?” And I tried to tell her that women must be like the ocean.
Deep.
Unexplored.
Fluid.
And it would make sense then that the body’s mostly water because that’s where we come from. When I think of my sisters, I think of water. Of nighttime. After supper when we gather under the pipe in the yard and bathe together. All of us sleek and shiny with water. Lavalavas clinging, scrubbing our underpants together. Sharing the water and blowing soap bubbles. Helping each other wash our long, long hair. Surrounded always by water.
That’s how I think ofSamoa too. Of being nourished, washed, wiped clean by the ocean. Kissed on all sides by her waves. Protected from the rest of the world. Safe in the ocean’s womb. That’s how I feel after school when all of us girls run to the beach to cool down in our sami, our sea.
Safe.
Protected.
Rocked.
Calmed.
And surrounded . . . by my sisters.
THE OCEAN by Shannon Sonenstein
In school we learned that most of the earth’s surface is made up of water. It’s funny to think of it that way because all Mr. Smith, my teacher, the pisikoa (peace corps), ever talks about, focuses on, is the land. I’ve heard the human body is like that too.
Even though I can’t see it, can’t imagine it, I’m mostly water.
Fluid.
Flowing.
Liquid and changing rather than confined to a solid.
Mold.
Role.
Form. As I’ve been trained to think.
Do you know what else I learned today? There are more women on earth than men. I told that to my sister and she laughed at me. She asked, “If there are more women, then why do we only learn about men — what they do? what they think?” And I tried to tell her that women must be like the ocean.
Deep.
Unexplored.
Fluid.
And it would make sense then that the body’s mostly water because that’s where we come from. When I think of my sisters, I think of water. Of nighttime. After supper when we gather under the pipe in the yard and bathe together. All of us sleek and shiny with water. Lavalavas clinging, scrubbing our underpants together. Sharing the water and blowing soap bubbles. Helping each other wash our long, long hair. Surrounded always by water.
That’s how I think of
Safe.
Protected.
Rocked.
Calmed.
And surrounded . . . by my sisters.
Friday, February 1, 2008
An actual letter written to a good friend
"You're studying in Samoa!? wtf x 120"
Back when I thought I'd be studying abroad in China, I never encountered such confusion from my family and friends about my decision to do so. I don't think I would have needed to say a reason for studying in China. It would probably be obvious that it's a pertinent country to most focuses in the academia, and above all, it would probably lead to financial stability through multiple opportunities in the business world.
But now, I'm not going to China. My forms were late and I didn't get into the program (SIT has rolling admissions and they filled up too fast). I'm pretty sure I received my letter of rejection during some capstone crisis, so I just signed on the website to look at what else was open... and without even thoroughly looking through any of them I just told the lady to switch my application to the Pacific Islands program. BUT my curiosity led me to the pacific islands program before other countries for these reasons-
1. My high school/hometown has a huge Tongan/Samoan population (they're actually probably the nicest people I've ever met! just don't piss em off... they're big mofos) and it's been getting a lot of coverage for some of the traditions they've brought with immigration.
2. At the time I still thought I wanted to apply to a pacific relations graduate program (UCSD). But since then, I've kind of been leaning more towards graduate programs for political theory... we will see if this trip pushes me one way or another.
3. While this may not obviously be useful in political science, I'm interested in the gender dynamics in Samoa specifically. In some families, if there are not enough girls, a boy will dress and live with a feminine identity to help out with domestic duties. I stumbled across this article (after I signed up for the program) and it kind of sparked some questions in my mind. Specifically, if you just read the section called "The Ocean", I think it's interesting how she plays around with associating the idea of land to the masculine-- as a solid form worth exploring and discovering.... while linking water (deep and fluid) to the feminine and to Samoa-- remote and unexplored. The fact that the Pacific Islands are seen as irrelevant to international politics intrigues me. Why aren't the Pacific Islands studied more in the academia?
In short, I'm very curious about the places I'm going to go. But at the moment, I really have no objective for what I want to find. Which is a good place to be in, I guess.
Back when I thought I'd be studying abroad in China, I never encountered such confusion from my family and friends about my decision to do so. I don't think I would have needed to say a reason for studying in China. It would probably be obvious that it's a pertinent country to most focuses in the academia, and above all, it would probably lead to financial stability through multiple opportunities in the business world.
But now, I'm not going to China. My forms were late and I didn't get into the program (SIT has rolling admissions and they filled up too fast). I'm pretty sure I received my letter of rejection during some capstone crisis, so I just signed on the website to look at what else was open... and without even thoroughly looking through any of them I just told the lady to switch my application to the Pacific Islands program. BUT my curiosity led me to the pacific islands program before other countries for these reasons-
1. My high school/hometown has a huge Tongan/Samoan population (they're actually probably the nicest people I've ever met! just don't piss em off... they're big mofos) and it's been getting a lot of coverage for some of the traditions they've brought with immigration.
2. At the time I still thought I wanted to apply to a pacific relations graduate program (UCSD). But since then, I've kind of been leaning more towards graduate programs for political theory... we will see if this trip pushes me one way or another.
3. While this may not obviously be useful in political science, I'm interested in the gender dynamics in Samoa specifically. In some families, if there are not enough girls, a boy will dress and live with a feminine identity to help out with domestic duties. I stumbled across this article (after I signed up for the program) and it kind of sparked some questions in my mind. Specifically, if you just read the section called "The Ocean", I think it's interesting how she plays around with associating the idea of land to the masculine-- as a solid form worth exploring and discovering.... while linking water (deep and fluid) to the feminine and to Samoa-- remote and unexplored. The fact that the Pacific Islands are seen as irrelevant to international politics intrigues me. Why aren't the Pacific Islands studied more in the academia?
In short, I'm very curious about the places I'm going to go. But at the moment, I really have no objective for what I want to find. Which is a good place to be in, I guess.
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