25 confessions

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. It's funny to remember how I used to get offended at almost everything when I was in college.

2. I am a paranoid sleeper. If you wake me up in the middle of the night, don't take whatever I say personally. When I was living with my brother Nick in San Diego, every morning when he'd leave for work at 5 (even though I knew his routine) I'd pop up with fists clenched as soon as I heard the door open and scream "WHO THE **** IS THERE!?!?" This is also bad for me living in the woods, and I've cursed out a few deer.

3. For every blog post I publish, there's at least 5 more I've written that never get published for one reason or another.

4. I'm 23 years old and I still have secret crushes.

5. I'm a morning person.

6. I'm afraid of heights and spinning around on things. I've never been on a real rollercoaster.

7. I'd classify my style as "strictly functional", and I don't intentionally choose to mis-match my clothes, it just kinda happens.

8. I wear the exact same thing 5 days a week (and I don't shower either!)

9. If it weren't for HIPAA, I'd have a novel written about my adventures in the wilderness therapy field. And it'd be a best-seller. And I'd be rich.

10. Talking is such an overrated form of communication. I'd rather dance than talk with you. That's when you really learn who somebody is.

11. I love all things "do-it-yourself". It gives me a sense of control and self-reliance while the economy is all funky.

12. I believe I have a "sacred" place in my abdomen. It activates when I'm in love, when I'm at peace with nature, or when I feel spiritually connected to something. Sometimes I worry that if I were to ever get pregnant and have kids, I would lose that place.

13. I recently purchased "the complete idiots guide to personal finance in your 20s and 30s", and the latest CD by The Fray. No, I'm not embarrassed.

14. On my time out of the woods I worry about my girls way too much.

15. Whatever you just said is probably being tossed around in my head a million different ways.

16. I've got pretty slow reflexes, but I'm learning that I'm excellent at blocking punches/ understanding body movement (if that makes sense?)

17. I'm a calculated risk-taker. I live life like I'm gonna die, cause I'm gonna!

18. I think people who commit suicide are the kinds of people who would walk out on a bad movie at the theater. I'm not that kind of person. If I could put my finger on the thing that drives my life, it's curiosity (maybe mixed with a little hope?).

19. When speaking, I often don't complete sentences. I blame this on my older brothers, because growing up, they were my translators to my parents. To this day, I can blurt obscure phrases and grunts with them and somehow they know exactly what I mean.

20. I don't think I'm naive, I just consciously choose to believe that everything is gonna be alright, and I try to assume/look for the best in everyone/every situation.

21. Religion is a social thing for me. It's a metaphor, or a way to tell somebody else that I believe in great and unexplainable things, and that they can trust me. Go read Life of Pi, and you might just know what I mean.

22. Getting snail mail in the woods is the highlight of my week! Faulkner, Beau, Kati, Mom-- You guys rule.

500 Eku Sumee Dr.
Candor, NC 27229

23. Have you ever read Salinger's 9 stories (particularly, bananafish and masked bandit) and then watched The Fall? Do it. And then get back to me on this one.

24. I'm fairly certain I'll become the crazy cat (/dog?) lady. I think it'd be fun to have a collection and name them after controversial political figures. "Hu Jintao! Give Vladmir Putin back his squeaky toy!"

25. Doing this last one gives me a lot of anxiety. Maybe because I hate finishing projects. I'd rather stay up all night and tweak this last one than get it over with. I'm awkward with goodbyes too...

An old post I forgot to publish

January 2, 2008
I'm writing this from the comfort of my time-off house located an hour away from the woods. I've gotta preface this post with an apology if my writing is a little awkward. I've been living with 13 year old girls and my vocabulary is suffering as a result.

I've been working for a little over a month and my eyes are widening every day. I work at a co-ed camp where there are 2 girls groups and 3 boys groups, and they aren't allowed to communicate with each other. I've got a group of 11 girls with the youngest being 13 and the oldest 16. Most of them are court ordered. 5 are African American, 4 Caucasian, 2 Latina. Offenses include assault on teachers, drug dealing, and armed robbery. Most came from abusive homes.



There are times when a 9-5 job looks rather attractive, like when I'm chasing girls through the woods in the rain and fog while slipping in mud. It'd be nice to have a job where all disputes were handled professionally... not having to physically restrain anyone and then worry about them swinging punches at me /trying to bite me. If I had a regular 9-5 job, I wouldn't have to worry about waking up to the sound of blood curdling screams because there's boys that snuck into our camp. And it's so dang cold at night. Even as adventurous as I am, I must admit that I sometimes wonder if I'd be better off confined to a cubicle and being a "paper-pusher".

But then there are those few moments that make me feel like I've got the most rewarding job in the world.

• Waking up to a family of deer in my campsite
• I love seeing how impressionable the girls are. I've been crocheting in any spare time I have, and now my girls are too. My girls asked me how my teeth are so white, and I told 'em it's cause I brush 'em twice a day, and now when I brush my teeth all my girls do too (according to my co-chief, this is outrageously unusual)
• Nights when my girls tell me that I'm their inspiration, and that they need me.
• All the little things that my girls do to make me laugh. Like when someone farts, they'll go "ooo check yo' drawers!"

*Due to HIPAA regulations, blogging about my job is kind of a big no-no, so there's only so much I can post.

Sing along for the common people

I came from a privileged background. I had 2 parents who loved me. Who fed me. Who encouraged me to go to school. Who didn't whore me out to people who could hook them up with drugs when I was 9. Who would write me if I was away. Who cared about me. To

I lived in a suburban neighborhood where I never worried about walking around at night. Never worried about getting gang-raped or shot. Never worried if my brothers would make it home okay at night. I've never taken part in armed robbery just so that my brother wouldn't leave my side. I've never had to witness one of my brothers being shot right in front of my eyes.

What am I doing in a job like this? How can I role model for these girls when I have no clue what it's like to grow up in the circumstances they grew up with?

I'll never understand how it feels to live their lives... I can't pretend I never went to school. And I'll never get it right, cause when I'm laying in bed at night watching roaches climb the wall, if I called my dad he could stop it all.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just singing along for the common people.

With this job, I don't feel like I'm doing anything noble. This doesn't make me a gracious person. I'm only doing it because I've had the luxury of living a privileged life-- where I know what it's like to have somebody love me. To me, this job isn't a noble quest for justice-- it's my social obligation to turn around and show that love and support that I knew growing up to somebody who's never received it.

Lessons down the river of learning

I just got back from my 2 week training for my new job and these are the things I learned:

1. I learned more than I ever wanted to know about gangs. Okay, who am I kidding? The 2 hours spent covering every gang sign, symbol, color, etc. for every gang were a serious highlight. There were hundreds of slides like this one with every different gang sign imaginable. Awesome.


2. I learned all kinds of wicked choke-holds. Well actually (to be politically correct) they're called "restraints".





3. I learned why these "restraints" are necessary through several anecdotes from other chiefs-- numerous stories of fights, my favorite being the time a camper hit a chief in the head with the back of an axe.

4. We learned that when giving someone who has gone into Cardiac Arrest AED, it's not always a good idea to go with the natural nipple line. We had this zany first aid instructor with an accent that sounded like a mix between a deep south carolina, somewhere in scotland, and maybe a hint of swiss... and he couldn't help but make sexual jokes every 3 minutes.


Favorite quotes:
"Put your hear up by their mouth to see if they're still breeding (breathing). My ears are real ticklish. Just ask my wife."
"Now we usually check for the natural nipple line. But what's the problem with this? What if you've got grandma who was a part of the 1960's liberal women's movement... with all the bra burning... now her nipples might not be at her natural nipple line no mo'!"

5. We learned that if anyone ever asked what company we were with, "Mary Kay" (who was also convening at that hotel) was the wisest answer. First, because we didn't want our misbehaviors to reflect poorly on our program. Second, because the looks on peoples faces were priceless when they heard this (nobody in our wilderness therapy program looks like a mary kay representative)



6. I learned that although I might be okay on a surfboard... on a snowboard I am a fish out of water . On our weekend off, a few of us went snowboarding in Boone. I've got a black, blue, purple, (and maybe a hint of green?) rear end to prove that I am not a snowbunny. But that won't keep me from posing with a snowboard like I own the place!


7. I learned that the people who would take this kind of job are some of the coolest, most interesting, and possibly insane people I've ever met.

To William, Nick, and Kyle Mantzel

Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name.