Year of the Rat

Just as a heads-up, at 1 am on a Friday night I might not be in the best state to write. But here it is, nonetheless.

I don't consider myself to be a superstitious person... BUT... okay, yes I am and I secretly believe in a lot of silly unfounded things. Secret's out. In my previous post, I referenced that this is the " year of the Rat". In the Chinese Zodiac, the story goes that the emperor at the time held a race among 12 animals, and the order of the race determines which year that animal is associated with. My animal, the water buffalo let the rat and the cat hitch a ride on its back across a river. The rat knocks the cat into the water, and just as the buffalo is about to cross the finish line, the rat leaps off its nose and finishes first. So in short, the year of the rat is associated with schemers and "rat races" while all "water buffaloes" will come far and then fall short in the end.

Anyway, things just haven't been going my way lately. First, after getting strung along by Survivor and signing contracts that essentially sold my soul to CBS, I got cut. And this has been really hard-- just because in a job/school search if you get rejected it's usually because of a lack in qualifications or something like that... but being rejected from something like this is more like getting dumped from a romantic relationship-- they didn't want me because there's something inherent in my personality that they didn't like. The whole audition process forced me to think SO much about who I am and how I could be "type-cast", and just be very conscious of who I am. Now I'm just feeling really insecure.

So then I start to move on and I get more serious about my job hunt (Disc Jockeying on the weekends just hasn't been bringing home enough bacon for me to move out of my Mom's house). I find a job opening at an outdoor wilderness program for troubled teens as a Wilderness Field Instructor. I started getting really excited about this and was even talking about going out to train for the entirety of the following week... that is until I received an email saying I hadn't graduated yet (this was about 3 days ago). I've been in hysterics... especially since I sent several emails to the registrar while I was in Samoa to make sure that I was on track to graduate on time, and they told me I was. Apparently, I just lack 2 hours of upper-level electives, and my Samoan language course counted as a lower-level elective so it didn't transfer in (but they had my course list when they told me I was good to graduate! they should have known! GRR).

Okay... so to bring things to a full circle... I started to realize how negative my thoughts have been lately. I'm just depressed. In my head, I've said "just when I think things can't get much worse, they do". The funny thing is, the last time I literally said this was in 1996. I don't know why I'll always remember that year... but any time I hear one of Fiona Apple's song from the album "Tidal" (which came out that year) all these bad memories re-emerge. I was looking back at an old journal, and I had written I feel like I'm living the life of Job*... like just when I think things are as bad as they could possibly be, they get worse. And just tonight it occurred to me that 1996 was a rat year, just like this year is.

This is the year where the water buffaloes (my animal) will come SO close to the finish line -- and then fall short (almost being cast for survivor and getting cut/ being 2 hours of upper-level electives away from graduating). The funny thing is, the things that happened in 1996 were probably more sob-worthy than the petty things I'm worried about this year, and I made it out ok. 1997 was much better. And so 2009 will be.

At least, according to Badly Drawn Boy, it will be...


*Point of clarification... I was a religious kid growing up. Job was my favorite book. Depressing?

My Survivor Audition: a Video!

So I deleted this post before because I signed all this stuff on Survivor saying that I wouldn't post or leak any information to anyone that I was a potential contestant. But now, that is not the case. I may post more on the casting process later...

I joked about trying to get on Survivor... but now I think, why not?

I thought it would be easy to get on the show...
A) How many people would want to be stranded at a remote and desert location?
B) The show is in its 16th season... how many people still watch it?

But apparently, the show still has a cult following... and CBS still receives truckloads and truckloads of audition tapes. And here is mine



Other reasons why I should be on survivor:
1) All my friends back at USP in Samoa are from all over the south pacific (Tonga, Fiji, Solomons, Vanuatu), are extremely knowledgeable about agriculture and their land, and could give me a crash course on local vegetation (what's okay to eat/what's not)
2) It's the year of the rat! Therefore, it's a good time for me to participate in a rat-race.
3) Cause I don't have a job.

For the Record: In the Chinese Zodiac, I am an Ox. The Chinese Zodiac tells a story of 12 animals trying to cross a river. The Rat is the first to cross, but only because it jumps on the back of the ox for a ride. Foreshadowing? I hope not.